by Charlie Parker
Marshal Rosenberg is the psychologist who describes the principles of effective communication as a communication which does not push back the listener but, just the opposite, conveys respect and a will of help.
Do not CRITICIZE your listener or his behavior
Or put in a better way try to criticize constructively.
The key to constructively criticize your listener is to objectively discuss the facts. No offense, No stupidities, No critics!
If you had requested a 10 pages long report and Clare has just brought you an 8 pages report, you have to just say: "Clare I am really disappointed to review an 8 pages report once we thoroughly discussed and agreed the number of pages one week ago."
Nothing like: "Clare, you have just proved your irresponsibility again! Tell me how you can be so absent and forget the number of pages we discussed and agreed just one week ago?", should come to your mind!
Do not QUALIFY your listener or his behavior
Instead focus on what your feelings as a result of your listener?s behavior are. If you talk about your own feelings nobody will be able to accuse you or argue with you. Those are your own feelings and they belong to you
For instance let?s assume you have a meeting at 8 a.m. at the hotel reception with all your colleagues to go to work. It is 8:15 and one of them, Peter, is still in his room.
- If you pick up the phone and say: ?Peter, you are late as you always are and because of your unbearable behavior we all will be late again?, Peter will just feel guilty, will listen to you and hang off the phone.
- If you wait until he comes down and say: ?Hey Peter, this is your third delay for this week. We all have been waiting for fifteen minutes here and were worried about you!? he will not be able to dispute your feelings.
Talking about you, you do not attack your listener. Instead you are involved in the situation, interested in understanding and helping him.
Rosenberg thinks that the effect would be stronger if you involved a ruined hope as well while talking about your feelings.
- Hi Peter, every time you are late I feel deceived because this way we can not be at work on time; and being on time at work is very important in building a good image of the department we all are part of.